This suicide thing…
I was suicidal before. Oh, I know pain, ha.
And I spoke out. I did. I opened up badly, very badly. I bared it all. The way it was doing me… So that it would be seen that I was hit really hard and I was dying. And I was dying. I will tell the story someday…
But it seems in this our society,
we should just carry on and internalise the effects of our pain. Pray it away. Pretend. And recycle it. And swallow it… It is a sin to express exactly the way you feel. Especially as a Woman. You cannot be true… You won’t be mature or spiritual enough…
The people I trusted
and opened up to were either too busy to really listen to my concerns, follow me up or they assumed it’s normal to feel like that. But I was dying! Too much pain! I wanted to die.
And I had to appear perfect for the “work” and continue looking okay.
Tears that I cried?
Nights that I couldn’t sleep? Meals that I skipped, not because I was fasting? The loneliness? Disappointments
And I had to go on being the Woman, Wife, Mother and Minstrel to my world!
The lure to end it all loomed…
But, you know what I did? I allowed myself to feel the pain. I expressed my anger, oh, I did! I was crazy. MAD. Shouted. Wailed. Cried. I responded the way I deemed fit. Because, if I didn’t do all that, the lure would have been irresistible.
I was badly judged! For expressing these emotions. For acting that way. For being that kind of “Woman”, not knowing that I was diffusing the lure of suicide! I will tell the story someday…
Nobody is listening.
It is assumed that it is normal to have pain. But some pains are a lure into death… So, I understand. I quickly respond to anyone in that tow who opens up to me. My empathy, ha. The celebrities exhibiting pain in the name of trending, I don’t judge them, I pray for them even when we don’t have personal contacts. I know pain.
This suicide thing…
I’m over it now, thankfully so. But, are we really listening to others? Are we doing true friendship? Are influencers, mentors and leaders REALLY doing it right?
It is more than populating systems and being “respected in the society o”, people are dying!😎